Parenthood the Vietnamese way

For obvious reasons I am addicted to watching the babies and toddlers in this city, because of their physical beauty,as well as to observe how their parents tend to them.  Here are some things I've discovered in my short time here.  Babies are carried everywhere.  I have seen fewer slings than I expected and even fewer strollers.  The ones I see tend to be pushed by tourists. There are no car seats and few high chairs in restaurants. Generally the children are held and fed from their parents meals while parents eat, stay nearby the table quietly if they're walking, or the wait staff at a restaurant holds your child while you eat. I haven't seen one diaper bag or anything even similar being held by a person with a baby, nor have I seen any pacifiers or children holding small toys, blankets, stuffed animals, or the like. There is no pureed jarred baby food available anywhere, or even rice cereal except at the very expensive American store (where we went yesterday to buy diapers.)  Congee is a watery rice porridge and restaurants will often bring it out to you if you have an older infant with you. Children go from bottle or breast directly to adult/table food.  People in our group asked our agency staff to buy formula for us to take home and they seemed confused and said "your babies are older now, so they won't drink formula long.  Just start feeding them." Even our IA pediatrician who consults with us at home said to start feeding Beatrice "real food" pretty quickly after getting her, starting slowly but basically giving her anything that she wants to eat that is also soft enough. 

 It appears that babies stay almost completely attached to their moms before they can walk, but once they're walking, I'm amazed at how far away adults will be from them, not hovering the way I'd expect one to do with a near- or toddler, and not being entertained constantly.  Once they are "free" from the parents grasp it seems they are given lots of freedom to explore, but they don't seem to go far.  I've learned from adoption psych.  that this is a sign of very strong attachment to parents.  Parents don't seem to be as neurotic about safety either.  Above  is a picture of  boy who cannot be yet 3 years old, not only riding on the front of his mom's scooter in insane traffic at dusk (kids are either sandwiched between parents, or standing right up front, I winced the first dozen times I saw it), but his mom parked the scooter and walked over to a stall to buy something.  She left him there about 2-4 minutes and he sat perched perfectly still in the middle of the busiest part of Hanoi and waited for her.  She never looked back at him once.  I meanwhile refused to leave the scene because my instincts had me watching over him.  I doubt I could do it, but in a way I admired her security, both in her trust of her community and in the trust that her child would be able to handle her leaving for those moments. By the way, the mask he's wearing are worn by many who are driving because the exhaust from all the scooters can really be disgusting. The saleswoman who walk the streets all day long near the roads often wear them as well. We've even flirted with getting some, and would probably do so if we were here longer, but I don't want to look like Michael Jackson walking down the street, or like a neurotic American.  The other photo is of a beautiful little girl we saw last night on the street.  She was probably about 2 years old and her father (?) was closing up his little shop along the sidewalk for the night. I started talking to her and trying to engage and he went about his business, never looked at us, walked into the building behind him for many seconds at a time and kept focusing on his task at hand.  By the way, in both photos I'm amazed at how big the children look because believe me, in real life, they were TINY!  

 On the other hand, one thing people are emphatic about here is keeping their children dressed warmly.  They will proudly tell you they are "tropical people" and cannot tolerate the cold. There are beliefs about sickness and evil spirits entering the body when one gets cold. I was laying out Bizou's clothes on the bed yesterday making final decisions about what would  be given as a donation to the orphanage.  I showed him one of the 2 choices for her Easter dress, a beautiful sleeveless dress given to us, and a gorgeous long-sleeved one that to me seems to warm to wear in 70+ degrees.  He pointed to the sleeves on the long-sleeved one and said "this for outside baby, other one no good for outside, must have..." and he motioned for arms being covered.  The same can be said for pants and hats.  The good news is we won't be needing our baby sunscreen while here, I just have to get over the feeling that she must be suffocating in her clothing. So if she wears her sleeveless Easter dress and bonnet, I'll do the "when in Rome" thing and put a long-sleeved onesie under it.  I've heard from others that you get a major "tsk, tsk" from Vietnamese women if they see you outside with what they feel is an under-dressed baby, so I don't want that.  I got a little one of those yesterday and I'm still not sure of the reason, but I think it's because I was wearing shorts. We also are probably going to have to keep the A/C off while sleeping which we be tough for us because I'm sure she's used to a warmer room. Co-sleeping is another thing that is done here, as in much of the world.  We're still not sure how that's all going to go, but we're trying it out at first and hope to continue it when home at nighttime.  The hotel people were shocked and certain they misunderstood us when I said we would not need a "baby cot."  He said "but most people who come to adopt all get one" and I said we would move our bed against the wall and try it out.  He looked very happily surprised.

 By the time children are four or older, you see them running around, paying ball or badminton right on the edge of the sidewalk, and crossing the streets  with no sight of an adult close-by. I saw dozens of elementary-aged students yesterday afternoon walking home from school, many alone, or in small groups. 

 So, as we enter into parenthood, we will learn what "our way" is.  We will let Beatrice tell us what she needs, mix in a little dose of what works for us, and we'll see what comes out. I do hope though that I can take what I've learned about "keeping it simple", or at least making it look simple, the way people seem to do so well here.