Six Months

4/8/09

10/8/09

Summerlike Day

Weekend highlight#1: I'm on the toilet bowl yesterday and Beatrice is out in the hallway reading an Eric Carle "Colors" board book. She walks in with her fingers pressed together and starts reaching for my face, babbling something incoherent, and insisting on touching my face. Finally I looked at the book and she was on the purple page, with an illustration of a bunch of grapes. She was trying very hard to feed me these imaginary treats!

Weekend highlight #2: We went for a walk today in the 75 degree sunshine and Beatrice was walking around picking up wet leaves, acorns, and finally a huge hunk of mushroom that she held onto for over an hour. She loved that thing! I let her have it until Anthony mentioned that it just might be poisonous. She cried and cried over her beloved 'shroom being taken away. The girl could care less about a stuffed animal or taggie, but she sure loves her fungi!

Weekend highlight #3: I was moving Beatrice into our bed last night. I picked her up from her crib, sound asleep, and she whimpered a bit. I said "it's okay, mama's here." She put her head on my shoulder, said "mama" with the most loving and content voice possible, and patted my back a few times, then went right back to sleep as I walked across the hall.

Weekend highlight #4: Beatrice LOVES her mooncakes! I should have gotten the video camera out tonight to show her literally BEGGING for more. She said "muh" about twenty times and kept signing "more" madly, nodding her head "yes," and leaning in. It was ridiculous. She carried the empty plate around when it was gone, and held it up vertically and pretended to eat more. We were waiting for her to lick it, but she didn't quite go that far. We had the first one last night and she loved that too. I think it was lotus seed. Tonight's was red bean (I'm guessing) and it seemed to be literally the best thing she's ever eaten in her life. She also, I've now learned, sneezes around incense and really likes tea.

We have a busy and exciting week ahead. My cousin Margo, who I've not seen in a year or two, is coming to town from Idaho with her four children, ages 2 to 7, and we will see them a couple of times. Then later in the week Lolo and Lola are coming out with our 4-year old niece Linden to spend the weekend and to babysit as Anthony and I go to a wedding. It will be great to spend time with family.

Roots and Wings

I have always believed that children do not "belong" to parents, whether that child is biologically theirs or otherwise. I believe children are a part of our interconnected universe and it is the adults' job to raise the child to take her place in the world, to raise her to be a responsible adult who gives more than she gets, does little harm and, as a bonus, makes this world a bit better than it was when she arrived. I've often used the quote in my job "parents must first give a child roots, and then wings" because the ultimate goal of parenting is to launch the child away from you successfully. Becoming a parent myself has not changed my views at all. Beatrice is not "mine" and I hope I never treat her like a possession whose fate I can control. From the moment she was handed to me, I saw her as a complete entity, a full soul, who I get to spend eighteen or more years with and whose bright and shining light I was entrusted to guide.

Every parenting decision and action we have made in the past six months has been to establish "roots" with Beatrice, since healthy wings cannot develop without this important first step. Her "root system" has changed twice and we are trying to establish her final one in a deep, secure, and healthy way. That being said, I think we're doing okay. Her attachment to us amazes and at times overwhelms me. Beatrice looks to us for everything and, while attachment is an ongoing process, the early stages of trust are now there. What amazes me most actually isn't that she is attached to us is that she is so darned content with us. Anthony and I are her entire world (a scary thought!) and yet she seems just fine with that; indeed she seems to be thriving on that. Her walking is more and more confident and she does not need to hold a hand, yet she prefers to, and her face just radiates when she can walk between the two of us, holding each one of our hands. She just exudes happiness when this happens, and beams when the three of us are together. And she is fortunate because she gets so much time with both of us, more than any other child I know. Yet, she definitely has a very strong independent streak in her that is showing its beautiful and determined head on a daily basis lately as she becomes a toddler. Sometimes I worry about whether or not she is TOO attached and will never be able to be away from us, and then she offers me clear evidence that she certainly will do so, and probably much sooner than I'd prefer. For now, we are her universe, and as long as one or both of us is there, all is right with the world.

Every day she is learning more and more about the larger universe out there and I am already anxious to watch her jockey herself into her position in it. I was on the UConn campus at a conference yesterday and saw a dozen or more Asian/Asian-American young women walking around. Many of their faces reminded me of Beatrice. Each time I'd try to envision what will she be like at 20? What clothes will she wear? Will she care at all about those sort of things? Will she be the life of a party or off sitting in quiet conversation? Or home reading a book? What will her goals be? What sort of activities/hobbies will she have? What will she value in a friend? How will she be as a friend to others? Will she be trusting? Confident? Will she know she's beautiful? Of course I'm in no rush for her to grow up, but part of me can't wait to find out the answers to all of these questions and I feel like many of them are already in her and we just have to wait and watch her unfold. And somehow I am already confident that she is going to be a great woman. I love Beatrice because I'm her mother, but I really like her too. She's a curious, interesting, patient, flexible person who likes fun but isn't silly, and whose smile I swear could light up a town. I pray that the soil, water, and sun that we're providing nurtures her well so that the best that is in her will continue to come out and she will learn coping strategies to deal with the challenges. If we can do that, we will have succeeded.

It's Mooncake Time!

In Vietnam, Tet Trung Thu, or Mid-Autumn Festival, is being celebrated this coming weekend. It is the second most important holiday in Vietnam, after New Year which falls somewhere between Jan. and March. I ordered some mooncakes from a bakery in New York's Chinatown for us to celebrate with this Saturday and Beatrice opened the box and played with them for about an hour, repetitively removing each one from the red tin and placing it back like a puzzle, over and over. She is wild about them and we haven't even removed the wrappers yet! Every day we have the responsibility and privilege of introducing Beatrice to new things that she's never seen or experienced before. She too is a teacher to us and we get to experience new things as well. This is one of the many gifts of international adoption.

Tet Trung Thu and Mooncake Madness

By Linh Song, Exec. Dir. of Mam Non Organization

Tet Trung Thu is a harvest festival much like other harvest festivals celebrated throughout Asia. It is held in the eighth lunar month and honors the Moon, which is at its brightest at this time of the year. However, Vietnam's festival differs in that it specifically celebrates children as well as the land's bounty.

The festival can be likened to a combination of Thanksgiving and Halloween, a time when families spend time with each other and for children to be doted on. Parents especially take time to make mooncakes, moon masks, and lanterns with their children. This is an event that children look forward to all year as they anxiously prepare for lantern contests or parades; gathering noisemakers and small drums, adding final touches to a precious lantern. In recent times, Vietnamese children have also been given gifts and lanterns in an effort to save time. However, traditionally, the emphasis was more towards spending quality and creative time with children and not cutting corners.

But before the festival begins, there's a mad rush for delicious mooncakes. What exactly are mooncakes? Think along the lines of a stuffed cookie, only made once a year so that Asian children and adults alike crave them all year long, much like Americans longing for Girl Scout cookies. They are comparable to the weight and size of a hockey puck, although obviously much more appealing when aimed for the mouth.

Mooncakes @ Mam Non web site

In Vietnam they are called banh tet trung thu, or literally, Mid-Autumn Festival cakes. The outer dough is a thin pastry, rolled flat and smoothed around a ball of filling, usually lotus nut paste or mixed nuts. Traditionally the filling also includes a small yolk which represents the moon. Once the outer shell covers the filling, the baker places it into a round mold, flattens it so that the design is imprinted, and whacks it out with a loud bang! Then, they finished the mooncakes with an eggwash glaze and carefully placed in an oven. As they bake, the rich aroma floats throughout the neighborhood and children eagerly wait for the adults to buy the expensive goodies.

Often the mooncakes are gifts from families, friends, and colleagues. Each cake is treasured and very rich tasting, often cut into small portions to savor with family and friends over cups of lotus tea. Other round foods are also served, such as grapefruit, pomegranates, apples, and grapes. Vietnamese families would then enjoy the snacks while watching the celebration and admiring the beautiful, luminous moon. And more importantly, surrounded by their children.

There are many legends associated with the Tet Trung Thu, including the story of the Moon Lady or Trang Yi, and the story of the carp who wanted to become a dragon or Cá hóa Rông. Here's my favorite:

For the Vietnamese, yet another legend emerges from this holiday made to honor the moon - perhaps not as romantic as the Chinese myths. A man name Chu Cuoi found a tree believed to possess healing powers. It was thought to be sacred, and everyone was forbidden to urinate at its foot. However, Chi Hang, who was Chu Cuoi's wife, forgot the rule and one day urinated underneath the tree. To her amazement, it began to tear its own roots from the soil, leaves rustling and trunk creaking as it lifted off the ground and stretched its branches towards the sky. Afraid of punishment and half-frightened out of her wits, Chi Hang hung onto a branch, attempting to pull the tree back down, but it took her off the ground as well. Together, tree and woman drifted to the moon, where Chi Hang was forced to live for the rest of her life as punishment for desecrating the sacred tree.

Peace, but no Peace Day

It rained all day today, so the Peace Day event was cancelled. Anthony was so upset because so much work went into it, but the good news is we were able to attend my Uncle Henry's 50th jubilee at his church. Cousins Truman and Hank were so glad to see her and vice versa!