"Stranger Face" Reappears

As a Christmas present for my dad and sister, I've been hoping to get a photograph of the five grandchildren altogether, a feat which turned out to be pretty difficult to schedule. However, last night I accomplished this goal. My 23-year old nephew Nathan, 17-year old nephew Shawn, Beatrice and I headed to Truman and Hank's house and I snapped about 75 shots as quickly as I could. I knew it would be tricky to get three children ages 4 and under to all look at the camera and smile at the same time, especially since Anthony was unavailable so I had to take the pictures as well. What I did NOT plan on was for my daughter to "pull a 'tude" over being with Nathan who, in all fairness, she's seen only a couple of times in her life, and not at all for several months. When Nathan and Shawn arrived at our house, she immediately got "shy" (aka "back off and don't mess with me!") and I forced the issue of her going to him, which was obviously the wrong approach (and one I've never done) since she got in a mood from there on out the extent of which we'd not yet seen. She sat with him in our living room while shooting a glare/death-look at me, then sat in the back seat with Shawn for the hour-long ride staring out the window, refusing eye contact with anyone and not saying a peep. Nathan was actually a little scared by this 22-pounder. I remember when she sent a similar chill-down-your-spine warning look to our dear tour guide Thanh in Hanoi and he put his hand over his heart in genuine horror! She warmed up only a degree or two when we arrived at Dan's house, but then when it was time for photos, gave a "stranger face" for the first 20 shots or so (see photo #2), then sat perfectly still but smile-less for the next 30, and only when I handed the camera to my sister-in-law and got on my hands and knees and acted completely ridiculous did she muster up a joyful look, but only for seconds. Fortunately there were a couple decent shots in that brief time period that we could use. My daughter just turned 19-months old and I actually used the words "Drop the attitude NOW!" with her. Certainly made me wonder how many times I will use that in her life. Wow. I've been a counselor for 18-years. My population is about 3/4 boys. Passive-Agressive is NOT my area of strength. Guess I'd better learn quick! Anthony reminds me often that our daughter is a Taurus, the sign of the bull. We've always known she has a mind of her own, can be quite independent, and shows vulnerability only in front of Anthony and me at this point. We saw in early photos of her this serious face with emotions ranging from sad to p-o'd as she glared at the men taking her pictures. My intuitive friends described her as "spunky," "stubborn," and "a little sassafrass" from those same photos. Others described her as "sweet." One thing is sure...Beatrice gives nothing away to those whom she sees as "strangers," nothing, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. We remember quite well the same looks she gave us the first day or two in Vietnam. It actually is a quality that reassured me immediately about attachment issues, the hallmark of which is a child who will be charming and go to anyone even upon first meeting. No problems there. Anthony and I were talking the other day about how our daughter has met and exceeded all of our hopes and expectations. He also said that she is far more "complex" than he ever knew a "baby" could be and most of his experiences to compare were with boys, most of whom her age seem so different and much less complicated. I love Beatrice for her intelligence and her determination, I love that she's a strong little woman, admire her resilience, understand her reluctance to trust, and am in awe of her ability to declare boundaries and communicate her feelings to people without saying a word. We will work hard to channel her iron will into the best of uses. I turn 42 next week. Good thing I've been resting up for 41 years!